relax.

I try to hard to impress people. I guess i just need to sit back and just spit a mindless flow. like Khaliyl Iloyi, my new favorite rapper.

25cents.

the college machine has eaten one of my quarters, and it aint given it back. so was it my best quarter? i could have probably shined it up more, but for what its worth, there are no regrets.

it certainly was an interesting quarter. Alot of stuff did happen, but in the grand scheme, everything feels very small and far off now. Definitely waded into new territories and explored more this time than last year. Its so interesting to see myself now and what I expected myself to be that first day of school. like PresentValue(Andy Cho) versus expected andy cho. lol econ... but just to see how God is so sovereign in His own mighty ways, I am constantly and consistently humbled.

but now there are no regrets, and its time to move on. time to pull out another quarter and try even harder. God gave me talents. If I dont use them, He is going to punish me, so gotta try my best and serve to my best ability. Who knows what God has in store for me, but whatever it may be, I pray that i will be mature enough to realize my insufficiencies and depend on Him. To a new 25 cents. HAZAAHHH!!!

who knows what may come... however ridiculous it may be.

OH MY GOAT!!! TRAMPOLINE!!

when it gets cold...

I was looking for winter clothes and I found my dad's coats... oh the possibilities...

old coffee and strawberry shortcake.

the two items on my desk. ive been here way too long. my fingers instinctively type youtube, facebook, and gmail now. like muscle memory. its about time for this quarter to end. eventful yet eventless. oh the paradoxes of this quarter. lol. my mindless rant. finals have taken a toll on my sanity. to eat ramyun or not. my biggest problem. why does it beckon me... i havent read in a while... man i miss books. why am i so AR. bleugh...

this train of thought made sense in my head...

paradox

When I feel most strong, God makes me realize how weak I am... and when I feel most weak, God lifts me up and makes me realize how strong He makes me...

but that is the beauty of it all, huh.

lol. short post.

round one is done.

finished my midterms. i literally kinda just stumbled through this week. but now its over. 

i can be a brat again. like this guy.

a year isnt that long.... right?

hello blogging world. i missed you. journaling was nice, but im a techy, and i can never get rid of that :D so with the first post of sophomore year... dang soo much has happened. so much emotional juice has been drained from me these past few weeks, but its over... for now.

freshmen year wasnt the hottest year when coming down to academics, but I dont regret it one bit. I learned so much, grew a lot, and met some of the best people in my life. With that said, sophomore year, lets make it a little different. No more being babied, now its time to grow up, and become a man of God. To discipline myself in order to glorify God that much more. Whatever it takes to love God that much more.

 so here goes to my second year in college. let it be a year of selflessness, and complete trust in His sovereignty.

a year isnt that long... right? lets hope not.

the humility of wheat.

I was having a talk with my mom about the importance of theological knowledge versus fruit. i was supporting fruit very adamantly so my mom told me this story. It was about a wheat farmer planting his crops, and his assistant comes and asks whether he should pick the bad seeds out. However, the wheat farmer told him not to as it was hard to pick them out. So they planted the seeds and when the harvest had passed, they went out to the field again. At this moment, the wheat farmer told his assistant to go out and pick out the bad seeds and the assistant knew where they were right away. Because you see, the bad seeds either grew up and just stood there without wheat, sticking out of the pack with nothing bringing them down or they were on the ground with no stem to support the wheat. The good seeds grew up nice and strong, and they bore wheat, causing them to bend over.

Humility does not come from not knowing how to do something. If you dont know, thats that, you dont know. rather, humility comes knowing yet not bring attention to the fact that you know. In this story, the wheat is the fruit and the stem is theological knowledge. Without both, it becomes hard to lead a strong Christian life. With only theological knowledge, we may stand out of the pack, loud and proud for everyone to see. With fruit, we produce fruit that are useless and meaningless. However when we have both, we can grow nice and strong, and have fruit that humbles us. It all comes down to humility.

Of all the people I know, I can confidently say that I know one person who has lived such a life. Grace's teacher in Japan, Tsumori Sensei. From what I know, he went to Tokyo University then was offered a job as the head of a hospital, yet took the job at the mentally handicapped institute. His reasoning, there are many qualified people who want to be the head of the hospital, but not many qualified people who want to serve with the mentally handicapped. So he worked there, helping the kids, playing with them and doing whatever they needed. I remember seeing him read the Bible everyday to an individual in a vegetated state. He never preached theology to anyone nor had huge religious debates with anyone. However, how he carried himself, how he interacted, that was how he evangelized. the others teachers who worked with him admitted that they had never read the bible, but they said that whatever was in the bible was probably how Tsumori sensei lived.

I realize this year wasn't the hottest for me. There are many things that I should have probably done instead. My focus was on producing fruit, while there was no stem to hold me up. My priorities have been in the wrong places this year, and in retrospect, I can really acknowledge that. I am repeatedly reminded by my parents that I need to study hard and do well in school in order to be witness of the gospel, however this year i attempted to produce fruit, fruit that I now realize is empty useless. What use is a student who fails his classes while all he does is serve. What non-Christian will look at him and be moved by that. No one. My mom knew this. I didnt. and she called me out on it. I pray that this summer maybe a time of realigning my priorities and pointing them in the right direction.

Thank you mom for rebuking me. I know its because you love me, so I promise that I will be the best witness I can be.

Love,
a delusional, lazy, prideful son.

[this is a long post... lol... sorry]

date.

me and you. we need to go on a date.

rebuke in real relationships.

an overlying theme/struggle for this year was being more intentional with my relationships. having friends that will truely keep me accountable while i do the same for them. during breakfast, we were talking about rebuking our peers and i quite stupidly blurt out how i want to be a guy who can rebuke other left and right. and man i was called out on it. i was told that rebuke comes out of love. to rebuke someone because i care about them enough to tell them that doing wrong. not to have personal gain or personal comfort, but simply put, because i love them. i realize that having friends that truly and genuinely rebuke me is such a blessing. when someone goes out of their way to come to me and direct me on the right path when i stray, i can say that is when a real relationship starts to form. and i respect that about the people in my life right now, who can come up to my face out of love and call me out. i obviously do see people and the things they do wrong, but honestly my heart is not in its right place for me to start rebuking. So that is where my years theme comes in. intentional and real relationships. let my everyday pursuit be out love. topline/bottomline. To recieve God's love and turn around to pour it out to others.

still lots to grow.

finals.

AROOO (a room of ones own) by virginia woolf. that was actually a pretty decent book in retrospect. right now, i am sitting my own room. my personal space. my own desk. my own study area. im supposed to be studying, but i have decided to write a blog post simply because i can. what am i here to write? man... i dont know. lots have been happening these past few weeks. so many things to share, to laugh about, to cry over (not literally), to acknowledge. its already week 10, yet i so much to look forward to. its too much for a single blog post. sigh. i guess i jst came here to say that i simply jst wanted to write a blog post for the sake of writing one.

man this was a useless post...

i missed you.

ive come to sad realization that i am a diehard techy. journaling is fun. yah feeling the motion of my hand creating and manifesting my thoughts on paper is great. filling up a meaningless page with purposeful thoughts is satisfying... but i miss blogging. sigh. the rapid punches on my keyboard is exhilarating. looking for and attaching mindblowing creative images is amazing. my hand cramps up after the 3rd page, but my fingers can dance on the keyboard all night. ill still journal, but i wanna start blogging again. that is all.

sorrry.

sorry for not posting recently. i got a journal. lol. i will post here less than usual, but i will still keep it alive :D

3.

so third quarter started. sorry for not posting recently. i have been trying to fix my sleeping habits so ive been sleeping earlier, causing me to miss my regular blog writing time. lol. anyway, so third quarter started and dang, so many things have happened already. its definitely going to be a fun quarter, but now i just have to be diligent and ready to work hard.

so stsm training started. and doode, its already pretty intense. homework, mission support letters and quizzes. so much work to do, but im nonetheless very very excited about the whole experience. the orientation sermon was very appropriate and it hit me hard. i remember on my application i wrote that i didnt feel long term missions was my calling and PD called us out on it saying "who are you to limit God's plan in your life" and man i realize how conditional my trust in God is. so through this mission experience, i hope God teaches me more about humility and vulnerability. teams are coming out on saturday... pretty scared... pretty excited... lol.

and with that, the third quarter started. the first FA was incredibly fun. i was really encouraged by several of my falt members. seeing how willingly and lovingly they served was so awesome. serving with them and growing with them i feel like is really keeping me accountable to and really urging me to serve with that same passionate love. sparklers was a really good idea and everyone was pretty into it. one of the best ideas. props to sk. i pray that FA and our class will have a very encouraging and christ centered quarter of muchos growth.

classes are fun. math is FREAKY. psychology seems interesting. AJAH. i must put lots of effort in. God give me strength. also keep me accountable in my mission training. gg.

camping trip.

so came back from the camping trip. switched locations a bunch of times and we ended up in Joshua Tree National Park. wasnt exactly the best place but it was fine and overall had lots of fun. got to talk to people i usually dont talk to as much and since most of the people i was already close with didnt go, it brought me out of my comfort zone. the freshmen class is really close and i love them, but i feel that we need to be more open and flexible. i notice a lot of freshmen are noticing the trend, so its very encouraging that we are on the same page. well anyway, camping was really fun, got to know new people, told each other stories and jst had good fellowship. i got to hear some interesting stories and i had to share my embarrassing ones... but it was great.

now its time to get ready for school. wish there was another week of spring break, but looking forward to a fun and studious worship quarter. I will trust in God with ever step and make them with confidence. calc is coming back.... time for redemption. lol

ahhhh... spring break.

so spring break has started and it is awesome. sleeping in is amazing. home is amazing. family is amazing. the only thing that feels very lacking is my spiritual life. iono if its the environment, but i feel that whenever i go home, i revert back to my old habits and i feel very distant. please keep me accountable bc im going to really need it. i feel that i need to be more vulnerable. im still too prideful. i hide my flaws. flaunt my strong points. sigh.

japan.

there was an earthquake in japan. my japan. ok not really mine but close enough. lol. i feel a deep attachment to japan, especially since i would say my culture is a good 30% japanese. i look at these pictures on cnn, and i see kids crying, waters engulfing acres of farm lands, people in pain, and honestly, it breaks my heart. the fact that i have grown so accustomed and comfortable with the nation and it's people makes it hurt even more. i see all these familiar city names and familiar locations that i grew up with and it reminds me of my time in japan. we got plenty of little earthquakes that shook the house. an occasional broken dish and that was about it. but to think an earthquake of that enormous magnitude hit right near my home is shocking and it scares me. i am glad that God brought me out before it happened, but then my heart reaches out to them. God...huh... i look at the pictures and all their pain, and i wonder... where was God in all this?

He was always there. Watching over everything. nothing happens outside his plan. nothing happens without him knowing. His way is perfect.

its just hard to see his ultimate plan at times. but then how can i expect to understand God. how can i define an undefinable God.... hmmm faith.

some pics from japan i took. man i miss this place... pray for japan.


Hakone, Japan - omnomnom fish.


Hakone, Japan - Rice fields on the way to Hakone


Tokyo, Japan - My sister and her old teacher at Aiku School


Shinjuku, Japan - One of the busiest places in the world.


Hakone, Japan - God really made this country to be beautiful


Hakone, Japan - Pier


Shinjuku, Japan - People walking to work


Tokyo, Japan - Arisugawa Park, childhood park

concentration, 64, no repeats, no hesitation....

sigh. so its the weekend before finals week. i dont have much to study. jst a bunch of essays. so its all brute work. so i got a study room, some fruity snacks and sit myself down to start... then BAM 2 ep of justice league. after 40 min, i turn on my handy dandy self control application. so i sit there editing my essay. all is good until.... my mind wanders off and goes on these little sooper thought train/adventures and i end up at some completely random and lolwut idea. sigh.... why is it so hard to concentrate. i mean, i know what i have to do to concentrate but it jst doesnt come out... stefatty was talking about this last night and i kinda jst laughed at it and loled at her. but right now i realize how fail i am at concentrating.... sigh.... stupid essays... lol

but at least fruit snacks are goood :D

okok.... not funny. i need to do this... lol. peace.

finals week.

so finals week is approaching. i only have one final but 4 essays to do so i guess it balances out. nonetheless, it shuld be an interesting week. this quarter has gone by sooo fast. it was a blur. lots of stuff to look forward to next quarter. guitar lessons. missions training. calc. its going to be a bussy quarter but i realize that i tend to better when im really busy.

so had my missions interview this week. man.... textbook definition of ggpwnd. i guess i had it coming lol. i began to understand how important spiritual food is. how its jst like real food, and when i deprive myself of it, my spirit starts to starve. Even before the interview, i hadnt done a devo in while (iono why... jst pure laziness i guess). i walked in all pumped up to answer all their questions with super theological terms and concepts. mann.... stuff like that doenst jst come out. its not that i felt my responces were inadequate, but i felt that there was no spirit behind it. they were my responses from what i experienced and learned, not so much about what God taught me and how He changed me. so yes.. i was ggpwned by them. and i can honestly say that it was probably the best start to a missions experience ive had so far (no sarcasm intended)

"But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy fiath and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life" Jude 1:20-21


blegh im tireedd. i need more sleep. lol. jajah.

emcee.

so today was sister appreciation at cpc. i definitely had a great time bonding with the college group and meeting everyone i didnt get to meet before. me and apack were MCs which was a new experience for both of us. I am honestly not a good public speaker. i speak fast, i stutter, and i tend to clamp up under pressure. however, me and apack were selected to MC for the event (well i kinda dragged apack in). iono what came into my mind, but i thought i could ya know just wing it and do whatever. so we didnt prepare until the night before. by the time it started, i was freaking out. it all finally hit me and doode i was nervous like none other. i prayed before, and i think it helped me calm down, that by really putting everything up to God, there was no reason to be nervous. so we did the show. it was really fun. rapped a little. told a poem. told some jokes. lol. definitely an awesome new experience.

i really love cpc. i love dc and how much he effort he puts into really unifying the ministry. happy hour, and a bunch of other stuff, i feel like im really able to call the ministry a community and family. my home church on the other hand is not doing so well. they have a weak college group and em group. there are def ppl trying to get it better, however its just at an awkward moment right now. i feel that that is one of the major reasons why i stayed at cpc. however, i feel God put onnuri into my life for a reason. i feel that in the future, i need to serve there more consistently and with a more genuine heart. for the time being, i feel that cpc is a necessary step in my growth though. so we shall wait and see.

grandparents are here. mom is going on a mission trip soon. winter quarter is ending soon. spring quarter is coming up. tis going to be an interesting month. woot woot. ftl

christ centered pursuit.

what does it mean to live a christ centered life. i feel that essentially, it means to live a genuine christian life. If we as christians are genuine and honest with our faith, there needs to be some change, some fruit evident in our lives. i mean, how can we fully acknowledge God and Christ, and not want to do everything to please him and worship him. even this week, i have been very convicted to truly pursue a christ driven life. in my devo for this week, i shared about philippians 2, which basically talked about the true and ultimate humility Jesus Christ demonstrated for us. When we look at this, and how he was so obedient to the end, i wonder, how can we as humans even think about limiting ourselves in our pursuit of God.

i see this as a struggle in my own life. i can honestly say that pride is a constant struggle. i feel that is a hole in my heart, that wont allow my heart to be fully filled with genuine worship. i look for self recognition. self praise. and it becomes about me. but as I truly acknowledge Jesus' sacrifice for me, i see how selfish i am, and how ugly i am. i serve myself bc its easy and comfortable. i serve others bc i enjoy the recognition and their approval. but is it really about that? is it really about me? no. it isnt.

what are we here for? we are essentially here to work for our savior. and he asks us to follow his path, to pick up our own cross and follow. however, it often get heavy, and i put it down to rest and please myself. i justify my pride with thoughts such as "its ok, i did something for christ today." this shuldnt be the case. when Jesus calls us to serve, he wants and deserves our all. i intend to do so as much as my fleshly body allows me too.

i talked to some people today about how KCM and our freshmen class is turning out to be. i love our freshmen class, and i have definitely grown immensely here. but as a group, i see that we have grown so exclusive and clickee. it becomes about us, and our fellowship and our growth. however as a ministry, that shouldnt be our purpose. how can we call our ministry christ centered when we dont reach out to those who dont know christ. i see that we tend to depend on each other, making it hard for those who are new to come in. how is this christ like in anyway? there needs to be some change in our freshmen class. however it isnt a group problem. it really boils down to the individual. i feel that all the freshmen in the core group have grown so comfortable and complacent with where we are, that we dont see any reason to reach out. i personally see this in my own interactions with other people, as i tend to depend on the other freshmen. in order to be more christ like as a group, we need to all change individually, to pursue christ in our own personal lives.

am i willing...?

i sat nearby pastor woogie at usc/ucla night. i saw him before and after preaching, praying hard. i could really tell that it was a hard message for him to preach. he seemed to have difficulty sharing parts of it, especially near the end. it wasnt that he lacked understanding, but rather it was the depth of it that seemed to be so burdensome. this is why i really respect pastor woogie. for being able to be so blunt and honest amidst difficult messages.

he talked about being willing to give up everything. not the simple "oh yah, i can give up anything because i love Jesus :D", but a more deep and genuine willingness to cast down oursleves and pick up our own cross. that true acknowledgment of God's grace and sacrifice. its hard to embrace the concept when generalized. so he went on, posing questions; are we willing to sacrifice our careers, disobey our parents, sacrifice our own children to follow God. i dont quite have kids yet, so i took those questions and made them as a little more personal. Am i willing to give up my wife? willing to sacrifice my friends? give up my future plans? all for Christ Jesus? to answer honestly, no. woggie gave that statistic, 80% of college ministry people leave church after graduating. and i feel like this is true because of the brutal stance of christianity. but then again, how can WE of all people call this brutal, if we are to truly and genuinely accept God's sacrifice as our only means of salvation. salvation shuld not and cannot be taken lightly. now this is not to say that if we are to believe in God, we must on the spot give up everything, but i see it as where the heart is.

its so easy to say that i want to be a good christian, but when words come to heart, it isnt quite that easy. i want to be genuine with my own faith. God has placed so many people in my life to reveal the importance of being humble and christ centered. the two come hand in hand, as neither can really exist alone. i pray that i take salvation seriously, and place God before anything else.

TREEHOUSE!

i have always wanted a treehouse. ever since the magic treehouse days. i think living in one would be ssooo legit. soo much fun. i feel as if i were deprived during my childhood. probably my dad's doing. he made me read all of the american boys adventure books and cmon, what sort of adventure would it be without a treehouse. hopefully i will be able to make one for my kid. i hope he is that awesome. lol.

ethics.

i just watched freakonomics. it honestly is so interesting and mind-blowing how different correlations and relationships are made through the analysis of numbers and data. statistics is very powerful stuff. in the film/book, they talk about a specific study done on the decline of crime rates during the 1980s. Many experts and analysts said it was due to innovative policing, harsher sentences, decline of crack, gun control, blah blah etc etc. they basically took everything relevant to the concept of crime and said that it was due to all these reasons that crime rates fell. it wuldnt take a genius to figure something out like that. Levitt, one of the authors dug a little deeper, and found a high correlation with the ruling on Roe v. Wade (abortion case). random huh. but he explained it and it made sense. since abortion was made legal, unwanted babies were aborted instead of concieved. looking at the data, unwanted babies more likely grew up to be criminals, so by making abortion legal, these criminals were never born, thus bringing down criminal rates. Such conclusion is further supported by looking at states where abortions were more accesible, and it was found that in these states, crime rates fell sooner and more rapidly.

this is where i began to think.... if abortion is proved to have lowered crime rates, why dont we (we as in society as a whole) support it more enthusiastically? this is where ethics come in to play. do we kill babies to prevent murders? or do we save babies, and sacrifice increasing crime rates? where do we draw the line? basically, whose life is worth more?

im a simple guy. i honestly dont have a firm stance big controversial issues such as abortion (homosexuality, i do, but thats a different story). i may want to sound smart and say something abortion and what my stance is on it, but honestly, i dont really have much to say about it. when i look at it from my christian perspective, i often find the concept of ethics to be wrong, as it based solely on what i think is right versus wrong. This takes God completely out of the picture, and puts me in his stead, making my own judgement calls. blasphemous. rather than ethical reasoning, i want to seek God first, and allow my thoughts and views be in tune with what God wants me to do.

however, the bible obviously doenst address issues such as abortion head on, so what do i do? what does God do?

a simple trip to the barber shop...

so i went to get a haircut today. got it short. today the shop was empty, jst me and the barber. iono, this trip was different from alot of other ones, and i jst started to reminisce. it got me thinking about how i have changed since i was a little toddler. lol... interesting thoughts...

so when i used to live in japan, i got my haircut from this japanese-american guy down the street on which i lived. i grew up with him and began to trust him. i walked by everyday to the busstop and waved hi to him. while getting haricuts, i remember asking him with genuine interest, "why did you want to be a hair cutter?" i dont remember his response but it was those genuine conversations that i had with him that made him so memorable. i genuinely wanted to get to know him for the sake of knowing him and learning about him.

i now look at myself, and how i have progressed as an individual, and i can barely call it progress. whether it be done consciously or not, i find that i push myself to get to know ppl for completely wrong reasons. i get to know them because they are popular. because they have what i want. they want what i have. if they dont have these things, i dont bother. its become so ungenuine and artificial, that quite frankly, ive perverted the whole idea of what it means to get to know someone, the whole concept of relationship. that what ive become, a young child with a pure and loving heart, with innocent motives, to a self driven and close minded college student. God calls us to show love both generously and genuinely. i dont want to limit my love to those who i benefit from, but really takes God's example and be bountiful with love. James 2 teaches us to not show favoritism:

"If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?"
James 2:3-4

its such a simple idea, but its so hard to follow, but who said following Jesus' path was easy. He so generously poured out his love to a gentile, for his love is colorblind and overflowing. i want to take this pure and genuine love, and apply it to how i treat others.

From Jaeson Ma's song "Love is selfless not selfish. Love is God and God is love. / Love is when you lay down your life for another / Whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister / Its even laying down your life for your enemies, / That's unthinkable, but think about that".

Dear God, your love is so bountiful. so overwhelming, so generous. yet here i am, standing selfishly and taking it all for myself. who am i to do that. i pray for a willing heart, to pour out a torrent of blind love to my community, to my peers and my enemies. i know it wont be easy, so please Lord, guide me in the right direction. i have been placed in my exact location because u have a specific job for me. In Jesus' name. Amen

visited this past summer. looks exactly the same from when i was a kid. lol.

blargh.

i havent felt very inspired this week to write much... lol. highlights included valentines day jajangmyun, and jamming. oh and did an awesome qt. its been a while, quite possibly my first legitimate quiet time. I read Phillipians 1-2 with my esv study bible, which was amazing. it was so refreshing being able to feed myself with spiritual food. haha. iono. this week has been very.... lame?

sweating and pushing myself in competitive sports makes me feel very useful and overall makes me happy. i enjoyed all my physical activities this week and i shall push myself more next week to do so.

goals for next week...
stsm apps
start for finals
finish up essays
play lots of guitar
legit qt (not the ones i do in bed half asleep)
physical activities. like tennis basketball volleyball.

i feel like i need to be more aggressive. not so much that i need to be more cut throat, but put more effort into getting things that i need. i become very lazy and complacent, that i often just sit there and let other ppl do the work first. i will try harder.

hmm... found out i was one of the weirder freshmen. das right :P represent. lol.

gnight.

helvetica

my english professor marked me down for using helvetica on my essay. i am deeply saddened. does she not know my love for helvetica. does she not know my hatred of times new roman. helvetica frees our creativity and lets us be daring with our words. times new roman binds us to our simple little essays, choking any sign of imagination. helvetica is my martin luther, my slumdog millionaire, and my friend. times new roman.... jst sucks. why cant we all just love helvetica. sigh. oh the mysteries of life.... lol :P

andy's toys.

so i watched toy story 3 tonight. lol. i have always enjoyed the toy story movies for one sole reason. the doodes name is andy. how amazing is that :D im not going to critique it because it made me happy and all warm inside. dont wanna overthink and turn it into a bad movie. i feel that i do that too much.... lol. anyway, it made me think about the toys in my past. i used to be the same way as toystory andy. my imagination and creativity ruled my world. knex and legos battles. plastic fight to the death with miraculous revivals. man... used to be soo much fun. kinda sad its all over now. the only thing that remains is my inner child, my inner imagination. i still think up some pretty bizarre things. lol. ahh the good times.

i dont remember ever being clingy to anything in particular, but only one toy has made it till now that i still acknowledge. Doby, my first beanie baby. i remember there was a time when beanie babies were HUGE. everyone got them and i thought they were so cool. he was my first. my uncle gave him to me and iono, i love dogs. probably the best toy i have ever gotten.

that is all. church tom. i always look forward to church now. ty.

for my future spouse.

lol. talking to apack today really got me thinking about my future wife. i really feel that God has someone perfect in store for me that will cherish me and help me to grow in God. my mom always tells me she is praying for my future wife, that wherever she is, she is growing up as a strong christian, and now i think i will join my mom in that prayer. lol. who knows what God has in store for us, but i will prepare my heart for whenever she will come. haha. iono sometimes i imagine waking up 30 years down the road and imagining the face that will greet me in the morning. she might be asleep, but i know she we will be beautiful. haha. doode iono why im in such a loveydovey mood right now.... lol. as her spouse, i must train myself starting from now, to love God wholeheartedly, so that i can share that love with my wife. lol.

so heres to my future wife. i dont know where u are, but i will be here working hard for you, so that i can support you and love you (i expect the same from you)



okok. im done now. time to go study.

late night posts.

fun post today :D found a new photographer i really like. he shoots in b&w and is very minimalistic. i really like minimalism. i guess i find beauty in simplicity. doing so much with so little. lol. iono. in this particular shoot, he takes pics of a bunch of jets and pilots. brings me back to my "top gun" days. i used to lloooveee that movie. i wanted to be a fighter pilot. but i heard u need perfect vision or something... lol. fail. visit his site








hmmm. guilty pleasure. heavy hip hop. lol. gets me pumped up.
listening to "Party and Bullsh*t" by Notorious BIG (ratatat remix). one of my favs. lol. shhhh :P

missions.

as the deadline approached, more and more people have been talking about stsm. it has made me think about my approach to it. hmmm. where is my heart genuinely at right now? i feel that im not treating it with the seriousness it deserves. my stupid little pride keeps telling me that "its just another mission trip", and i feel my heart is at the wrong place right now. i feel that i havent prayed enough. it doesnt come down to what i want to do, but really it comes down to what God wants me to do and whether i listen to him. so we shall see. keep me in prayers please. ty.

lol. this song has been so amazing recently. song from my childhood brings back so many church memories. and these girls are really pretty :P and super plus points for being able to sing REALLY well :D

self control.

i am having way too much fun. im not saying its a bad thing, but its something i definitely need to exert self control in. i find myself going overboard when i am having too much fun, and i end up forgetting about everything else. almost to the point that i can consider "fun" to be my idol as it often jumbles up my priorities. i end up dropping what i need to do and go look to having fun. this weekend was honestly not productive, even though i "studied" a lot. i guess it really shows how weak i am when i stand alone as a human and how much we need God. for this week, my prayer request is to really keep my priorities straight and keep me from straying. God sent me to UCLA for a reason. Let me fulfill his purpose.

midterm week. studious worship comes first. fellowship comes after. woot woot.

friendship.

i think im trying too hard to be friends with everyone. now im not saying this as an excuse to not be nice to people, but because i feel that i often change around different people. i was never a person who sought many friends, but more a person who found comfort in a few close ones. i feel that i have started to look for more friends over a few really close ones. i dont wanna fake who i am in front of ppl, and i really appreciate those who really accept me for my weirdness and uniqueness. I feel like God has placed specific people recently into my life so that i can really get to know them beyond physical or the emotional, but to really get to know them spiritually. to have friends who keep me spiritually accountable. those are the people i feel very comfortable around and i can speak my mind freely and unfiltered to. i genuinely want to get to know them as they genuinely want to get to know me. God didnt send me here to please men, but to please him. i thank God for you ppl everyday. sarang.

guitar.

so i bought my guitar this week. the guy who sold it to me left with these words "now you have to name her." lol. and from then on, i went on to think of a name for her. it started off with me asking some friends what they recommended but it didnt really come out to be fruitful. i began asking myself questions for inspiration. and that really got me thinking. Why did i buy my guitar? Why did i get now? who do i want to play for? who has inspired me the most to worship God? who most shamelessly worships God? who do i want to worship like?

:D

meet my guitar. Her name is Grace.

im in a library.

im studying in a library. i think its working. lol.

humble worship.

God visits me in many forms. recently it has been his grace that has been with me, constantly showing me his love and compassion. Poetry Auction was this week. my head was blown up. i started to give up my devotion time to edit more or film more. to be honest, i kinda lost God inside myself. it became about impressing, gaining attention, basically feeding my stupid blown up pride. as you know, i messed up. it was the first time i have ever sang alone in front of a crowd bigger than.... 10 ppl. i kept repeating the lyrics in my head, and i knew them forsure. Im happy God was with me thru that. being humbled like that was... man.. i have to say it was worth it.

pride is something i on a daily basis struggle with. i honestly call myself a new christian bc its been less than a year since i truthfully stepped into the journey with God. it definitely is hard. no one said it was easy tho. i have prayed for God to humble me, and i guess i can see it now. thank you God. GG - God's Grace.

so i came home this weekend for a conference at my home church. iz called WOW - Winds of Worship. it was... very interesting, and basically the theme was about genuine passionate worship. returning back to my church, i guess since i have actually started to listen to sermons and stuff, i have began to notice different things. my church is very charismatic. my mom as well. now im not here to judge, but im here to point out some differences i felt. basically, it is the "belief that Christians may be “filled with” or “baptized in” the Holy Spirit as a second experience subsequent to salvation and that it will be evidenced by manifestations of the Holy Spirit". well, at this conference, the main speaker was Randy laea. He is a speaker from hawaii and yes, he is of charismatic bg. towards the end, he called whoever wanted to feel the holy spirits presence down to the stage, and he started to pray for physical healing, about prophesies and in tongue. i didnt go up. now i have grown up with this my whole life but only now has it started to bother me. i prayed for guidance and i pulled out a piece of paper and i started to jot down what i was thinking. who is he to call down the holy spirit and speak so prophetically? i was then reminded of Pastor Woogie's message 2 weeks back about passing judgement on others. at one point, he specifically called out the charismatics and said that we needed to love them despite our theological backgrounds.

i realize that it really is about the personal relationship with God. i dont find a need to run up and start jumping up and down to worship God. it just doesnt work for me. i really prefer to stand in the back and quietly worship God, praying and singing. im shuldnt judge because ppl dont share the same worship styles as me. Genuine and passionate praise doesn't require physical jumping and yelling, but genuine spiritual passion. i know i still have my differences with the charismatic movement, but i feel God is calling me to love them no matter.

are we human, or are we poets?

poetry auction. so time consuming. i dont wanna lose the true meaning behind it. fundraising for missions. appreciating the sisters. lol. the sisters better be worth it. lawl.

colored blocks keep falling on my head...

tetris. the latest trend. lol. its so fun. i enjoy not really having to worry about losing or winning. just playing with friends. so fun. haha. just cant get addicted. i see know what andrew meant. i see blocks flying down everywhere. lol wheeee.

so start of a new week. this sunday was a good way to calm myself and my heart down. studious worship everyday and everyweek. i need to run a little more. im getting way to fat. must exercise.

poetry auction stuff this week. soo much work. hope it ends up well tho. FIGHTING!!! AJAH!!! lol.

disney songs and growing up.

dang doode. im discovering so many disney songs that i looked over during my childhood. makes me so happy. kinda like... when i eat all the spam in my ramyun, but later i find another extra piece in there. nom. kinda like that. "go the distance" from hercules was pretty awesome. so is "you'll be in my heart" from tarzan. amazing. lol.

other than that, weekend has started off decent. cpc bible study was amazing. no girls. all guys. studied what the bible had to say about a man's purity and stuff. pretty deep. iono if girls know, but its true that every single guy struggles from sexual impurity. I am not one to judge as i am too a guy. dont want to go into explicit details here, but that study has taught me so much about it. We really cant overcome it through excessive guilt or sheer willpower, but it really is through Jesus. and as brothers, we really do need to keep each other in balance and in check. lol. God is amazing. im definitely looking forward to my partner God has chosen out for me. oh man :D lol.

well its time to sleep. poetry auction stuff has drained me. gotta wake up early for church. gnight. PEACE

GG & a simple prayer.

God's Grace.

dear God, allow me to fear you. allow me to love you. im not leaving until u call me "Israel". amen.

sing, sing, sing and make music with the heavens...

today was semi productive. went to slr by myself. got a solid 2 hours of reading in. kinda proud. but i still need to find a better place to study. going tom to deneve with apack. we shall see how that goes.

imma buy a guitar. i really want to learn. sometimes when my mind wanders and starts thinking sinfully, i just want to start singing praise to get my mind off it. that guitar will help lots. hope i get a good deal on it.

i feel very uninspired today. lol. nothing much to write. i guess ill jst sleep.

i wanna sleep in this. how awesome wuld that be.

falt.

dang. today was certainly soo humbling. sharing my testimony for the first time in public was pretty nerve wraking. im just thankful that God got me through it. i remember repeating the prayer in my head "please give me the right heart". and i think God really did give me that right heart. and being able to share in such an encouraging environment is so great. thanks falt ppls :D

poetry auction preparation should be fun. looks like its going to be very long and tiresome. you sisters better be worth it... lol :P

hmmm. i realize i spend a lot of time in front my computer. and i was bored... so i took a picture. lol. lets take a look :D

that was fun. lol.

let us start a beautiful school week

the transitive property states that if a=b and b=c, then a=c. By this logic... since i am student and a student studies, i must study. let this week be filled with studious worship. lol.

this song is so good. makes me smile everytime.

Dancers Among Us

i believe that we all have that inner dancer inside us. that part of us that just wants to explode out and express itself shamelessly. i want my faith to be like that. i want it to want to express itself, want to scream out and yell out in passion. God has done so much for me, isn't it about time to return it Him? :D

inspired by a photo gallery called "Dancers Among Us" photographed by Jordan Matter
this guy is amazing. basically he takes professional dancers and puts them into everyday situations. here are some of my favorites.

FOR NARNIA!!!

today was pretty dang fun. haha. i know freshmen didnt win it all, but ya know, we gotta let the juniors win one more time :D haha its all good. my body hurts so good. im going to sore tom forsure.

pastor woogie's message have been so amazing recently. especially today, they kinda hit you hard and leave u dazzled. you just end up sitting there and thinking about how true they are and how we as humans are naturally sinners. he talked about how the Pharisees often expressed their nationalistic customs and saw them selves superior to the gentiles. i often find myself in that christian clique, and when christians are offended, i am quick to anger. but in retrospect, i look at my true intentions behind my anger and i find that i usually get offended bc i am associated with christians. how hypocritical am i, to say im christian and yet fail to realize the true glory and absolute wonder of God. i dont want to associated to God by "nationality" but i desire to be with God intimately and personally.

broomballing was fun. definetly enjoyed the bonding. i love our freshmen class. i love the accountability we all share with each other. haha. so many girls started to coming out. iono them all. i shuld get to know them. and no... not in that "lezz go" way. but in a more unifying way.

lol well time to sleep. tom will be another wonderful day. a pursuit to glorify God in everything i do, say and think.


i kinda wish i had a bike on campus. it wuld make traveling to campus so much easier. lol. jst a thought

the wheels light up. how awesome is that. so tron-esque


buying this for my kid :D yup yup :D. hipster kid on the block. lol

chill.

im in the mood to go here. lezz goooo.

real men do yoga.

ahhh. second quarter. its pretty fun so far. classes are decent. since there is no math, im alot less stressed and can spend alot more time on calming down to gather myself. God teaches me so much everyday. man i gotta live that everyday pursuit. haha. well anway... i started yoga. apack, ula and me. i didnt tell anyone i signed up for it, but i hafta admit that danng its so relaxing. Every stretch and every pose was so calming. its awesome. but shhh. i havent told anyone about it. hahaha. but i have learned that real men do yoga. true fact.

kcm has definitely been a huge blessing for me. being able to be kept accountable by sooo many peers encourages me so much to both pursue a stronger relationship with God and develop my relationships with my peers. todays testimonies blew me away. they really were encouraging and I was so blessed by their honesty and humbleness. My turn next week. i gotta start praying now. haha

man its so late.... immma go to bed... and hello to new readers. lol.

im back.

after a month long hiatus, i have returned. it is late so i wont sooper blog post today, but i definetly feel that i have come back to college rejuvenated and ready to live with purpose. winter break humbled me so much and i learned so much, but i feel that i keep drifting away since coming back to college. talked with apack today and he really encouraged me. i do realize that i compare myself to much with other people. other peoples success and spirituality. i want to seek an honest and pure relationship with God. one where i dont seek human approval but only his. so with this, i shall go to bed and start tom off with the word. keep my accountable with that. i need my spiritual meals :D

i also started a photoblog. lol. http://ordinaryimagery.blogspot.com/