its always kinda awkward the first time.

no i do not mean sex. clean that mind of urs. lol. i was gonna post last night but due to my ridiculous essay, i was unable to. sorry. i mean it was an interesting essay about how religion affects environmental ethics and such... but after a couple hours.... it sucks. lol.

so yesterday, for the first time, i did campus evangelism. well it was dining hall ev (short for evangelism). i always told myself that i shuld go but i never got around to it (partly due to my laziness). well we were gnna have a freshmen lunch but it happened to be where the dining hall ev was going on so we all decided to just join in. i got paired up with a sophomore hyung and we basically found a guy sitting alone. we asked if we could sit with him. he was totally open to it. his name is steve. so we jst began talking about stuff. i found out he was a 3rd year transfer from irvine. that did help us connect somewhat so we jst ended up talking about it. like who we knew and how clean irvine was blah blah. my partner tried to bring up church a couple times, but steve kinda ignored the subtle hints we were putting out there. he talked alot about his studies and etc which made me really realize how everyone does have that desire to be loved. when he left, he did drop a really subtle hint that he always ate alone and that he was there all the time. It really must be hard to be a 3rd year transfer, coming into an environment where everyone already has their groups and such. even though we didnt get anything about God out there, his hint really encouraged me to really build a relationship with him. i think i will begin to come out more often. It definitely was a good experience that really put me out in the spot with my faith. i guess... pray that i will be able to be an instrument of God and that people really have open minds and hearts.

In my QT a couple days ago, i read the verse, "So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth" Revelation 3:16. this verse really hit me hard and really spoke to me. me the lukewarm... i know of the Gospel but my whole life i wasnt doing anything about it. i had it all in my hands, but my pride and my arrogance kept me from sharing. I realize that God hates these type of people the most. "to spit you out of my mouth" that small phrase really O_O. felt like it was talking to me directly. sooo.... i pray that by doing campus ev, i will be able to grow.

FINALS ARE COMING!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHHHAATTT AM I GOINNG TO DOOOOO! STUDDDYYYYY!
sigh.

lol. that is all for now. peace.

my apologies

sorry for not posting a legit post in two weeks. midterms and stuff. bleeh. so thanksgiving weekend has ended and i am sitting here.... waiting to go back to school. i really love my bed at home. it shall be missed lots. lol. this break was very relaxing. saw old friends and hung out. felt nice. met some new cousins. lol. iono. lots have happened these past 2 weeks, but i cant remember/ im too lazy to post it all up. sooorrry.

so i was talking with my cousin and i was complimenting him on how he played guitar while praying (he is the kcm praise leader). cuz u know, that seems hard to have ur fingers move indpendently from ur brain and etc. iono its jst hard. haha well he told me that when he prayed, he jst kinda let go and let it flow from the spirit. he also said that if i had to really think about what i was going to say in a prayer, something was wrong. and i guess i see it as, a genuine prayer really jst comes out and its not so much about the words but more about the faith behind the prayer. to be honest, i have been struggling with prayer recently. i get distracted and start thinking about other things, so what my cousin told me really hit me. i really want to have genuine prayer. yup.

in other news, finals is coming up. im nervous. i promise im going to try my best and study the snot out of all my classes. and then after, i will party hard. that is how it will roll. haha.

okok. its time for me to go, so PEACE! i will post more now. okok. wooot.

a message from my mom.

my mom just called me. she told me to read these verses. "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26

that last part really got me "and give you peace". i know i may be worrying about my miderm right now, but if i have full faith in God, he will give me peace. I know this doesnt mean i can stop studying and just start praying, but i got it more as that Lord is constantly watching over me and because of that, i need not to worry about these worldly expectations from me, but rather live in pursuit of a faithful life. only then can i receive this peace.

one more day. i got this. woot.

a simple prayer.

dear God, help me to have a passionate love and unwavering faith for you. as the times are getting harder, i feel myself drifting away from you. i know i can not be a man of both faith and the world, so allow me to wholeheartedly make that decision to follow you. in jesus name i pray, Amen.

B HERE!

so today was chill. i guess. im pretty happy with today. finished my programming thing. hung out with kcm ppl. first small group. then B here concert. met youtube stars. quest crew and kaba modern. those ppl are frkn beast. the way they move their body, maaann, its seriously an art. painting with their bodies.

so first small group today. im pretty excited for what is in store for us a group of brothers. as josh lim said, brothers do share a special bond, something that we can not do with the sisters. and so i really look forward to it. what i hope to get out of it.. hmmm... i really want to grow with this group and really keep each other accountable with anything. i want to grow closer with God and more in tune with my faith. i know these next couple years of my life are going to tough so i want to start it off on the right foot. yupp.

i really like my kcm freshmen family. i can always depend on them to make me laugh and have fun. they are a healthy group to be with and im very thankful to God for leading me to such group.

its getting late... sooo lol. i guess i shuld go to sleep. peaceee yalll.

a fattening day.

ahhh sunday. sunday is always a day i look forward to. i am really enjoying church. sermon wasnt too great today... i guess it was a nice change. ate chinese/korean fusion food for lunch. twas a good meal. then went to louise/jas room for korean sausage. then went to kcm chapel. met ppl from church. its really encouraging when i see ppl i recognize in kcm. really motivates me to try hard. then ate guppy house after. soo much shaved ice but soo good. sigh... im going to get fat.

fsf this saturday. im pretty frkn stoked. i love these sports days and competing with other ppl i know. they showed a video today and dangg :D i cant wait. hmm... i really want to make the video next year if possible. currently, its not very great... so i really wanna use my passion to serve the ministry. "you gave me the gift, now i gotta give it back to the best of the best, oh heck yea" - the gift by lyricks and manifest

so kcm chapel was mission report night. basically all the summer mission ppl give like a presentation about their experience from missions. 2 ppl gave testimonies and iono if its me being a pessimist, but whenever i listen to these testimonies, i cant help but think that they are very cliche. the classic "i went wanting to bless them, but instead they blessed me". i definitely should not think in such manner. i caught myself in the process and i think that i have grown prideful about my mission experience, which is not something i should boast about. i realize that even though i dont express pride, i mentally am an extremely prideful and arrogant prick. i am no greater than anyone else. i know i am spiritually immature at this stage of my life and i need to grow. it jst can be very hard at times.

prayer request: living a christian life can be so difficult at times. i often find myself struggling, due to academic stress and pure laziness. i want to live with that passion. pursue God with all my heart, bc right now, i need more than ever.

time travel.

so its daylight savings. haha. going back in time is always fun. sigh. i have been disgustingly lazy today. i did absolutely nothing. i did like half of my lab report. made my sced for next quarter. making sure i have later classes so that i wont miss them. haha. other than that... i woke up really late, played ping pong... literally did nothing... lol

i think i made a good decision sticking with kcm. i dont want to be judgmental, but i was in the cafeteria and overheard the convo of the table next to me (tends to happen when im eating with the tall one). well it was kccc ppl talking about relationships and how to impress ppl etc etc. i know its natural, but seeing the things i had to do to really devote myself to God, issues such as impressing girls and crushes have become unimportant and even distractions. i know its fun to gossip and talk about girls on campus to other doodes, but i definitely dont need that in my life right now. i really like how kcm doesnt really place a big importance on relationships. i really want to grow spiritually and mature as an individual. sigh.... and i really do need help this.

lol. that was a random splurge of what i was thinking about. i guess it jst came up bc i think someone has a crush on me right now. iono if its serious or anything. but lol. i think she does. dont wanna name names or point them out so i will jst hafta go with the flow. watch my behavior bc i dont wanna come off the wrong way. i dont its something i need right now. lol WHEEEEE! COLLEGE!

8game streak in sc2 with the tall one. definitely a bonding moment.

HAH!

today i even woke up early enough to write a post. BOOYAH! lol. i didnt wana miss my first class like the last two days. sigh. i am in need of some habit change. lol. iono. i guess i need more sleep in college? i never needed this much in high school. lol. back when i was young. haha. i slept at like.... 2:30 last night. way too late. i didnt even get hw done. i was watching.... dance videos. haha. they are jst so fun and interesting to watch. ionoo. bleh.

played vb last night. it was really fun. like bonding with ppl thru sports. haha. apparently, i am percieved as pretty normal right now, which is lolsy. i made a weird face at a camera and this one gurl was "OH MY ANDY! I THOUGHT U WERE NORMAL!! IONO ANYMORE" i kinda jst -__- lol

okok. time to get ready for class. peace yall.

latenight for a midterm.

i miss photography. really badly. like uberly badly. i need to bring my camera out on more dates. she deserves more than what i am giving her. lol.

soo i had a talk with my soonjang today. lol. an interesting convo. talked about stuff and it came down to what we want in a girl. haha. we are very similar. to summarize, it was like... pretty (not hot), sorta indie, outgoing, kinda independent etc etc. lol. it was jst a lolsy convo. he is someone i def enjoy talking to. yupyup.

my mom came over and brought me lots and lots of food. even some sushi :P teehee. NOMNOM!

sorry for the lame update, but midterms are more impt right now. lol. peace.

halloween weekend

so weekend. yada and john came over. made me realize how much i really missed them. im happy they came over and now its my turn to go visit them. specially john. i really miss peter. man that guys is mia. haha. well i expected that. sooo weekend was chill with them. watched rush hour. im not a big halloween person. haha. way too many drunk ppl on campus. smells and looks gross. i did go trick or treating tho. i havent been in such a long time. iono. i felt very childish going. asking for candy. i guess it was fun, looking at ppls costumes but i dont its very me to go trick or treating. it was meh.

hmm.. so i went to the dining hall when kcm evo team was there. they are the evangelism team and what they do on mondays is basically go into the dining hall and sit down with ppl who are sitting alone and they jst talk about God. there is one guy who leads it and i really respect him. i decided to come out next week. iono. i feel that i have always been very shy about my faith. culdnt really express it. i wanna live my christian life loud and noisy. i dont wanna be a modest christian. ive been quiet long enough. time to speak out. ive always struggled with it so i think it will def be a good opportunity for me to really establish my faith and spread the gospel.

other than that... nothing much. i miss ppl from h.s alot. we are all going to las vegas once we turn 21. i have already decided. lol

PEACE! its getting late. gnight yall.