3.

so third quarter started. sorry for not posting recently. i have been trying to fix my sleeping habits so ive been sleeping earlier, causing me to miss my regular blog writing time. lol. anyway, so third quarter started and dang, so many things have happened already. its definitely going to be a fun quarter, but now i just have to be diligent and ready to work hard.

so stsm training started. and doode, its already pretty intense. homework, mission support letters and quizzes. so much work to do, but im nonetheless very very excited about the whole experience. the orientation sermon was very appropriate and it hit me hard. i remember on my application i wrote that i didnt feel long term missions was my calling and PD called us out on it saying "who are you to limit God's plan in your life" and man i realize how conditional my trust in God is. so through this mission experience, i hope God teaches me more about humility and vulnerability. teams are coming out on saturday... pretty scared... pretty excited... lol.

and with that, the third quarter started. the first FA was incredibly fun. i was really encouraged by several of my falt members. seeing how willingly and lovingly they served was so awesome. serving with them and growing with them i feel like is really keeping me accountable to and really urging me to serve with that same passionate love. sparklers was a really good idea and everyone was pretty into it. one of the best ideas. props to sk. i pray that FA and our class will have a very encouraging and christ centered quarter of muchos growth.

classes are fun. math is FREAKY. psychology seems interesting. AJAH. i must put lots of effort in. God give me strength. also keep me accountable in my mission training. gg.

camping trip.

so came back from the camping trip. switched locations a bunch of times and we ended up in Joshua Tree National Park. wasnt exactly the best place but it was fine and overall had lots of fun. got to talk to people i usually dont talk to as much and since most of the people i was already close with didnt go, it brought me out of my comfort zone. the freshmen class is really close and i love them, but i feel that we need to be more open and flexible. i notice a lot of freshmen are noticing the trend, so its very encouraging that we are on the same page. well anyway, camping was really fun, got to know new people, told each other stories and jst had good fellowship. i got to hear some interesting stories and i had to share my embarrassing ones... but it was great.

now its time to get ready for school. wish there was another week of spring break, but looking forward to a fun and studious worship quarter. I will trust in God with ever step and make them with confidence. calc is coming back.... time for redemption. lol

ahhhh... spring break.

so spring break has started and it is awesome. sleeping in is amazing. home is amazing. family is amazing. the only thing that feels very lacking is my spiritual life. iono if its the environment, but i feel that whenever i go home, i revert back to my old habits and i feel very distant. please keep me accountable bc im going to really need it. i feel that i need to be more vulnerable. im still too prideful. i hide my flaws. flaunt my strong points. sigh.

japan.

there was an earthquake in japan. my japan. ok not really mine but close enough. lol. i feel a deep attachment to japan, especially since i would say my culture is a good 30% japanese. i look at these pictures on cnn, and i see kids crying, waters engulfing acres of farm lands, people in pain, and honestly, it breaks my heart. the fact that i have grown so accustomed and comfortable with the nation and it's people makes it hurt even more. i see all these familiar city names and familiar locations that i grew up with and it reminds me of my time in japan. we got plenty of little earthquakes that shook the house. an occasional broken dish and that was about it. but to think an earthquake of that enormous magnitude hit right near my home is shocking and it scares me. i am glad that God brought me out before it happened, but then my heart reaches out to them. God...huh... i look at the pictures and all their pain, and i wonder... where was God in all this?

He was always there. Watching over everything. nothing happens outside his plan. nothing happens without him knowing. His way is perfect.

its just hard to see his ultimate plan at times. but then how can i expect to understand God. how can i define an undefinable God.... hmmm faith.

some pics from japan i took. man i miss this place... pray for japan.


Hakone, Japan - omnomnom fish.


Hakone, Japan - Rice fields on the way to Hakone


Tokyo, Japan - My sister and her old teacher at Aiku School


Shinjuku, Japan - One of the busiest places in the world.


Hakone, Japan - God really made this country to be beautiful


Hakone, Japan - Pier


Shinjuku, Japan - People walking to work


Tokyo, Japan - Arisugawa Park, childhood park

concentration, 64, no repeats, no hesitation....

sigh. so its the weekend before finals week. i dont have much to study. jst a bunch of essays. so its all brute work. so i got a study room, some fruity snacks and sit myself down to start... then BAM 2 ep of justice league. after 40 min, i turn on my handy dandy self control application. so i sit there editing my essay. all is good until.... my mind wanders off and goes on these little sooper thought train/adventures and i end up at some completely random and lolwut idea. sigh.... why is it so hard to concentrate. i mean, i know what i have to do to concentrate but it jst doesnt come out... stefatty was talking about this last night and i kinda jst laughed at it and loled at her. but right now i realize how fail i am at concentrating.... sigh.... stupid essays... lol

but at least fruit snacks are goood :D

okok.... not funny. i need to do this... lol. peace.

finals week.

so finals week is approaching. i only have one final but 4 essays to do so i guess it balances out. nonetheless, it shuld be an interesting week. this quarter has gone by sooo fast. it was a blur. lots of stuff to look forward to next quarter. guitar lessons. missions training. calc. its going to be a bussy quarter but i realize that i tend to better when im really busy.

so had my missions interview this week. man.... textbook definition of ggpwnd. i guess i had it coming lol. i began to understand how important spiritual food is. how its jst like real food, and when i deprive myself of it, my spirit starts to starve. Even before the interview, i hadnt done a devo in while (iono why... jst pure laziness i guess). i walked in all pumped up to answer all their questions with super theological terms and concepts. mann.... stuff like that doenst jst come out. its not that i felt my responces were inadequate, but i felt that there was no spirit behind it. they were my responses from what i experienced and learned, not so much about what God taught me and how He changed me. so yes.. i was ggpwned by them. and i can honestly say that it was probably the best start to a missions experience ive had so far (no sarcasm intended)

"But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy fiath and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life" Jude 1:20-21


blegh im tireedd. i need more sleep. lol. jajah.

emcee.

so today was sister appreciation at cpc. i definitely had a great time bonding with the college group and meeting everyone i didnt get to meet before. me and apack were MCs which was a new experience for both of us. I am honestly not a good public speaker. i speak fast, i stutter, and i tend to clamp up under pressure. however, me and apack were selected to MC for the event (well i kinda dragged apack in). iono what came into my mind, but i thought i could ya know just wing it and do whatever. so we didnt prepare until the night before. by the time it started, i was freaking out. it all finally hit me and doode i was nervous like none other. i prayed before, and i think it helped me calm down, that by really putting everything up to God, there was no reason to be nervous. so we did the show. it was really fun. rapped a little. told a poem. told some jokes. lol. definitely an awesome new experience.

i really love cpc. i love dc and how much he effort he puts into really unifying the ministry. happy hour, and a bunch of other stuff, i feel like im really able to call the ministry a community and family. my home church on the other hand is not doing so well. they have a weak college group and em group. there are def ppl trying to get it better, however its just at an awkward moment right now. i feel that that is one of the major reasons why i stayed at cpc. however, i feel God put onnuri into my life for a reason. i feel that in the future, i need to serve there more consistently and with a more genuine heart. for the time being, i feel that cpc is a necessary step in my growth though. so we shall wait and see.

grandparents are here. mom is going on a mission trip soon. winter quarter is ending soon. spring quarter is coming up. tis going to be an interesting month. woot woot. ftl

christ centered pursuit.

what does it mean to live a christ centered life. i feel that essentially, it means to live a genuine christian life. If we as christians are genuine and honest with our faith, there needs to be some change, some fruit evident in our lives. i mean, how can we fully acknowledge God and Christ, and not want to do everything to please him and worship him. even this week, i have been very convicted to truly pursue a christ driven life. in my devo for this week, i shared about philippians 2, which basically talked about the true and ultimate humility Jesus Christ demonstrated for us. When we look at this, and how he was so obedient to the end, i wonder, how can we as humans even think about limiting ourselves in our pursuit of God.

i see this as a struggle in my own life. i can honestly say that pride is a constant struggle. i feel that is a hole in my heart, that wont allow my heart to be fully filled with genuine worship. i look for self recognition. self praise. and it becomes about me. but as I truly acknowledge Jesus' sacrifice for me, i see how selfish i am, and how ugly i am. i serve myself bc its easy and comfortable. i serve others bc i enjoy the recognition and their approval. but is it really about that? is it really about me? no. it isnt.

what are we here for? we are essentially here to work for our savior. and he asks us to follow his path, to pick up our own cross and follow. however, it often get heavy, and i put it down to rest and please myself. i justify my pride with thoughts such as "its ok, i did something for christ today." this shuldnt be the case. when Jesus calls us to serve, he wants and deserves our all. i intend to do so as much as my fleshly body allows me too.

i talked to some people today about how KCM and our freshmen class is turning out to be. i love our freshmen class, and i have definitely grown immensely here. but as a group, i see that we have grown so exclusive and clickee. it becomes about us, and our fellowship and our growth. however as a ministry, that shouldnt be our purpose. how can we call our ministry christ centered when we dont reach out to those who dont know christ. i see that we tend to depend on each other, making it hard for those who are new to come in. how is this christ like in anyway? there needs to be some change in our freshmen class. however it isnt a group problem. it really boils down to the individual. i feel that all the freshmen in the core group have grown so comfortable and complacent with where we are, that we dont see any reason to reach out. i personally see this in my own interactions with other people, as i tend to depend on the other freshmen. in order to be more christ like as a group, we need to all change individually, to pursue christ in our own personal lives.