self-discipline.

so went to a new church today. grace community church. it was huge. but oh my lol. it was a traditional church. first time i sang from a hymn book. it was quite interesting. and then the message was very very verryy loongg. and i honestly have to say that i dont quite remember what he was talking about.... sigh. well went to the college service after. again, quite similar. all their songs were like... from the 90s. i knew one of them, which i find shocking being that i have typed several hundreds songs for church. quite tradtional i must say. iono man. 4 hours long of servie is hard to handle. lol. i saw the tall one and my hallmates knocked out during the service.

well on the ride back from the church, the driver and this philosphy major got into a discussion about religion and christianity blah blah. all the philoshphy. how there are two jesus. the jesus of history and jesus our savior. and i really wanted to join in and speak my mind, but i realize that i dont quite know enough. i wuld think a response, but i realize i culdnt respond to his rebuttle. iono. i really want to be able to really talk to ppl at that philosophical level, to really reach out to ppl who have strong doubts. there was one comment about how it is healthy for humans to have some doubt. it jst depends on how u react to it. and that really spoke out to me. i guess im really at that "new christian" stage, where i have the basics down. i know what christianity is. and i believe it. but when i ask myself, "why are u christian?", i personally cant convince myself why. and this really upsets me, i feel like a simpleton who jst takes in what i said to me and soaks it up without any thought. i wanna build up my faith, so what i want now is self-discipline. i wanna try hard to understand and to really think. i want to really firmly establish my faith. deep roots.

also.... i need some self discipline for everyday collge life. this weekend... lol... i didnt do anyting academic. i feel lazzzyy. lol. i need to sleep eariler and do my work ahead of time. i must do this. blah.

played tennis today. i won. it felt good. winning feels good. lol. i want to keep winning. so i must work hard. AJAH! and i want a six pack. lol :P sigh.